Killer Lingerie

Many things are dangerous to our heath in the modern world; global warming, chemicals, weapons of mass destruction, terminal diseases, knife crime, gun crime…The list goes on and on. But not very often are we reminded of some of the other hidden dangers that are lurking beneath the clothes of meek looking ladies all over the world.Prepare to experience a raised temperature, heart palpitations, shortness of breath and perhaps temporary insanity. These vixens are dressing to kill and take no prisoners…

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It’s a Man’s World

“This is a man’s world, this is a man’s world, and it would be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl.”

James Brown was a wise man, and some 50 years after he crooned these forward thinking lines, someone is starting to listen.

As the financial world is trying to scrabble up from its knees, the fairer sex has been quick to try to gain a few more laps in the race for equality.

But what do these ball-busting revolutionaries hope to create?  Will I wake up in five years time to find a political utopia whereby all persons or things in consideration are treated the same regardless of their combination of X or Y chromosomes?  It’s a lovely idea, but not one I see as readily achievable, especially if the Tories win the next election

The French Government has published plans to make more room for women in its boardrooms.  This follows a similar move by Norway in 2002, which enforced a quota whereby all boardrooms must be 40% female.  The current average amount of women in French boardrooms is 10%, a pitiful amount, and with influential figures like Carla Bruni and Economic Minster Christine Legarde flying the female flag, Frances decision to prioritize equality comes with little surprise.

But surely the point of equality is to be merited with due respect for your achievements despite your age, ethnic origins, social status or indeed, your sex.  Not because of it.  Forcing boardrooms to give over 40% of it’s chairs to women simply ‘to be fair” only serves to denigrate them further; if we stamp our pretty little Laboutins hard enough, the mean old men will have to give us our way…

Prominent women throughout the years have always risen in times of adversity and I truly believe that a better-balanced boardroom would help us to fix our broken economy.  But now is a time for joining forces and damage limitation, not pride, greed and the age-long search for the ever-elusive equality agenda.

Besides, 40% is not equal.  It’s less than half.  And I think that says it all.

Kick Your Heels Up

It’s often said that in order to enrich ones outlook on life, you should try to walk in someone else’s shoes.

These are very wise words and to fully utilize their philosophy I have decided that an afternoon of serious shoe shopping is in order.

After all, we learnt about the man who built his house on the sand.  If you start with good foundations the rest will surely follow.  Starting from the bottom and working your way up is a measured and fail proof method.  Therefore a jolly good pair of well made, soft leather, fully reinforced Manolo Blahniks is a valuable investment.  An entirely necessary investment, in fact.

Consider also the houses built on silts.  These feats of engineering enable adventurous architects to place sturdy family abodes quite literally among the salty shores.  London may be lacking in salty shores, but we most certainly aren’t lacking in wet weather and anyone who has tried to pound the pavement in a downpour would appreciate the usefulness a few extra inches could provide in order to protect ones designer trouser hems.

All in all, I feel it is my duty to visit a sparkling department store, dig deep into my pocket and improve my mental and social wellbeing with a lovely pair of Jimmy Choos.

Sexy Education

It’s time that education got sexy.  Fear not, because sexy is my specialist subject, in fact I have a Degree in sexy, a Masters in sexy… even a Brownies badge in sexy.  You didn’t know that the Brownies had a sexy badge?  I guess you must have missed that day, but I didn’t, I really earned my sexy badge.  Or at least that’s what the club leader said …

I’m starting a revolution.  I want sexuality, sex and sexiness to be embraced again, revered and applauded.  After all, we wouldn’t be here at all if it weren’t for good old-fashioned rumpy pumpy, would we?  Why are people so afraid to show their sensual side and share their inner vamp?

Gender, equality, success, love, money, health… all hot topics, and all inexplicably linked to sex.

It’s time we got back to our animal roots.

After all, birds do it, bees do it, even monkeys in the trees do it.  Let’s do it, let’s fall in love.

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